She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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