Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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