When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize