So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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