clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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