Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
