I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just cut my nipple shaving
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
