that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
