On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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