I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
And then he peed in my hair
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