I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize