So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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