i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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