I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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