The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
