I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
