Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
