just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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