remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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