Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
