things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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