i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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