The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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