They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
