yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
