...so i touched it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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