Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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