oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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