i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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