we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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