you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
