those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
