Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
