so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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