Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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