And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
