Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
