She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
