Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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