I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
