your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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