Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
