The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
