I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
