i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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