sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
