I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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