It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
honey bunches of taint.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
