True but thats because hes a fetus.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
