So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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