Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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