either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
