She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
