Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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