Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
