were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize