Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
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Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
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doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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