Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
