I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
honey bunches of taint.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Drunk is a universal language darling
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