My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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