my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
