Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize