Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
