Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize