Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
