as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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