if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize