was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
